The Sacrifice
by trucejopseh
Summary: What would happen if Ed and Al took self sacrifice too far? Read and find out! My first try at crack. Spoilers for ep. 51 of the 2003 anime. Rated T for the overuse of sarcasm, the word ' sacrifice' and a LOT of swear words, because it's Ed. And me.


**Hi! This is another one shot (I hope I'll someday be able to write something that's longer than two thousand words. I'm too lazy for writing long stories, but sadly, all my fic ideas feel like they want to be long.) and this time I'm trying crack!**

 **Oh wow. That came out wrong. You know what I mean, though, right. Hopefully?**

 **Okay, nevermind, just let this tragedy begin.**

 **Timeline:** ** _N_** ** _o idea_** **, the end of Brotherhood, maybe? (Look at me, being all mean and sarcastic. It feels nice.)**

 **Pairings: None, but you can look at their pure, brotherly love as an incestuous relationship. I don't mind. Whatever floats your boat, right?** ** _You sick fu-_**

 **Disclaimer: Ha, I wish.**

"If what Hohenheim said is true, then Al's old body, mind and soul are still within the Gate. Maybe life has no Equal Trade. Maybe you can give up all you've got, and get nothing in return. But still... Even if I can't prove it's true, I have to try... For your sake... Al."

He clapped his hands one last time and touched his chest. Everything turned white.

XXX

Al opened his eyes slowly. He wasn't sure where he w- wait. His eyes? 'Since when do I have eyes to open?'

His mind flooded with memories.

 _Ed getting stabbed by Envy._

 _Al standing up from the transmutation circle and walking up to Edward's body._

 _Clapping his hands._

 _Sacrificing himself and the Philosopher's Stone for his brother's life._

 _The scene changing to Mustang's figh- wait, how can I see that? What the heck? ... Is that blood on Colonel Mustang's face?! What was going on in there? Is the Colonel okay? WAIT, don't turn it off- I was trying to check if he's fine! Hey, who are you? What are you doing with that wrench... Winry? OUCH!_

Winry turned to You and smiled shyly. "Sorry guys, there was a technical error. We'll be back in a few seconds."

She stood next to Al's unconscious form for a moment, cleared her throat, and then awkwardly left the room.

Al opened his eyes again. He decided he didnt want to know what Winry was doing in the Underground City - besides, he had much more pressing matters to deal with right now.

First of all - what was _he_ doing there? And in his real body, no less? He was one hundred percent sure he did the transmutation correctly. His soul and the Philosopher's Stone for Brother's life - that was more than enough, wasn't it? Did he make a mistake somewhere?

No, of course not, it was too important of a transmutation to mess something up. That leaves...

 _Crap. Ed, you_ idiot!

No no no nonono! 'I was supposed to sacrifice myself for you, not the other way around! You complete idiot!' He stood up and breathed in.

"I'm gonna bring Brother back, it's time I give back instead of taking all the time!"

 _CLAP_

 _SLAM_

XXX

Edward opened his eyes. He was surprised - he didn't expect to be able to blink or even _have a body_ after the transmutation. Was this the afterlife?

No... No, he was pretty sure that if something as an afterlife even existed, it wouldn't be in this godforsaken ballroom.

How did he get here?

'Don't tell me... Fucking hell. Al, you dumbass!'

He looked around and it was just as he thought - no sign of Al.

'That little shit brought me back again? What the hell? How is that even possible? Will it work if I try?'

 _CLAP_

 _SLAM_

XXX

Al opened his eyes - 'hey, didn't I do that just recently? And Ed too? Does the author really have such poor vocabulary? And I'm stuck with them?' he felt like crying ( _N_ _ot surprised, heh)_ , but quickly composed himself. 'Remember, you've got a big problem to deal with, Al. Ed's more important than some piss-poor wannabe writer.' He looked around. It seemed like Edward had brought him back again. 'What does he think he's doing?'

That... That... _Jerk!_ Yeah, he's a jerk! Ha!

Al started calling Ed other, not as nice names, but after a few moments he froze. 'Oh no! I called Brother a jerk! And other, even worse names, like _midget_ and _flea!_ That's so rude!' Tears started falling down his cheeks, and soon he was full on crying.

"I must bring him back and apologize!"

 _CLAP_

 _SLAM_

... He sadly didn't realize that apologizing to Ed would be impossible, because for Ed to be alive for said apologizing, Al himself had to be, well, dead. But! we can pretend that this is angst and Al's soul or spirit, or something-or-other is still with our Eddie, so he can say sorry. How does that sound?

... No? Well, screw you too.

Ekhem. ( _Moving on_ , _moving on.)_

XXX

Ed stood up and let out an exasperated sigh. He was here again. Fuck, why did Al have to keep sacrificing himself? How did they manage to pull this off for the last... Five times? Already? Woah. This was getting out of control.

Ed facepalmed. Frankly, he was getting tired of Al's bullshit. Why couldn't he just let him die, goddamn it? Did he not see how hurt he was making his Big Brother, exchanging his own life for Ed's like it was meaningless? (He could've sworn that at that moment he heard someone who sounded just like Winry yell "hypocrite!" but that was probably just his imagination.)

Edward's throat tightened. Why was Al doing this? He didnt have anything except him, he wouldn't be able to live without him. He was his driving force, the reason he got automail, joined the military, in other words, his only reason to wake up every day-

 _BAM!_

Ed moaned and fell unconscious. Winry glanced at him and then tsked.

"Wow, _thanks,_ Ed. That wasn't cold at all." She turned to You again and laughed loudly, a hint of hysteria hearable in her voice, "HAHA WELL ANYWAY! Sorry for the interruption, it's just that he started angsting again. I know it's, like, his default setting, but this train wreck isn't angst, because you bastards said no, so to hell with that bullshit."

She sighed tiredly, "Oh, you're wondering what I'm doing here? I know I'm supposed to be in Resembool, being pretty, doing nothing and getting fucked over for life in the process - but someone has to keep an eye on these idiots and we all know Rose is useless. Sooo... Yeah. Um. See ya!"

And with that, she was gone. Hopefully for good.

Ed opened his eyes ( _amazing writing am i right)._ 'This is getting pretty repetitive. Why do I always wake up here? Couldn't it be Hawaii or something? Wait, what is Hawaii anyway?.. Ugh, never mind, I don't even want to know. I'm just gonna bring Alphonse back and finally die... Okay, that came out wrong. Anyway.'

 _CLAP_

 _...(yeah, you know the process by now. Let us move on.)_

Al opened his eyes and growled. He was alive again. Darn it!

He clapped his hands (hopefully for the last time. He usually admired Edward's determination, but right now, he was cursing his stubbornness with all his being) and vanished.

Ed woke up, screamed and started banging his head against a wall until he lost conciousness. Then he woke up again and started screaming even louder. 'I'm gonna murder you, Alphonse! Screw this, I won't stop until I'm dead and that idiot goes home!'

 _CLAP SLAM_

"Oh.."

 _CLAP SLAM_

"No.."

 _CLAP SLAM_

"You.."

 _CLAP SLAM_

"Don't!"

 _CLAP SLAM_

"FRICK, BROTHER, STOP BEING DIFFICULT!" Al screamed at the empty space as if Ed could hear him.

 _CLAP SLAM_

XXX roughly 2 hours later XXX

 _CLAP SLAM_

 _"ENOUGH."_

Al was panting heavily, his hair disheveled and his eyes furious. He prepared for another ('I wonder which one is this. I've lost count after the first 30...') transmutation, but then stopped dead in his tracks, because he could see Edward staring at him with a bewildered expression. He blinked, and stared around at his surroundings. Except, there weren't any to stare at - only the Gate.

"Hello, little Al-che-mists..."

"Who are you calling little, you ( _this part has been censored, not because of cussing, but because I can't be bothered with writing good 'Ed rants'),_ huh?!"

Al looked for the source of the voice, and quickly noticed Truth. It was sitting in front of the Gate, like always - but this time, it wasn't smirking or grinning eerily. It was wearing an irritated expression.

"... Or should I say, little morons? ( _enter Ed's typical unfunny short rant that I have no idea how to write - Part 2!)_ How long are you planning to keep this up? Alphonse's Stone is running on its last fumes."

Ed stared at the Universe, God, Truth, All, One and himself, and snorted mirthlessly. "Until that idiot stops bringing me back." He turned to Al, "I'm more stubborn than you, so I _will_ keep sacrificing myself, you know."

"But, Brother, since when was it your decision to choose which one of us gets to sacrifice himself?"

"Since I'm the older-"

"Both of you. Shut up."

The brothers both closed their mouths and turned their heads to look at Truth.

"You know what, I admit that at first this whole disaster was pretty entertaining. Brothers sacrificing their lives for each other again and again? Hilarious. But after.. I don't know, the tenth time?.. It got rather annoying. I wanted to wait and let you decide which one of you stays in the Gate, but my patience is running as low as the Stone's energy. So I'm deciding for you. Both of you: get the hell out. I will take the rest of the Stone as payment and let the two of you leave."

The bothers blinked, both wearing identical shocked expressions. Al opened his mouth to say something, but Truth started talking again.

"Save it. Just get out and never come back." Everything started getting brighter and Truth disappeared. They still could hear its voice, though.

"Have a nice life, I suppose.. Or no, you know what? Go to hell. I hope we never meet again."

XXX

Ed and Al groaned and opened their eyes at the same time. They sat up and realized they were still in the ballroom. They both were whole - Al had his body back and Ed had his limbs. They grinned at each other, and soon started laughing. Ed got up, walked over to his little brother, and hugged him. Then, he turned around and looked at the ceiling. A look of triumph settled on his face, and a huge, arrogant grin broke out.

"I guess we defeated _God,_ huh, Al?" Then, he started laughing and turned to the ceiling, as if speaking to Truth. "How do you like that, you white bastard? I finally got that smug smirk off your ugly face! I'm gonna brag about this to Colonel Shithead until I die-"

"Brother-"

"I wonder how he's gonna like the fact that I beat not one, but _two_ annoying bastards? One stupid Colonel with a god complex, and one _literal_ god! You're not so omniscient and almighty now, are ya? You little, ugly, fat-"

Out of nowhere, a lightning stroke Edward and killed him on the spot.

Al stood unmoving for a few seconds, blinked, and then ran up to Ed's body.

"BROTHER!"

 _CLAP_

 _SLAM_

 _"FUCK! MY! LIFE!"_

fin.

 **I have no idea how Winry got there. One moment it was a nameless person with a pipe, next thing I know, Winry's there and she's laughing hysterically. Oh well.**

 **Also, I'll let you decide who said that last line.**

 **Till next time!**


End file.
